Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The dude abides man

           Well, well, well. It's been way to fucking long since I wrote anything.  So where do I begin?  Well first and foremost, what the fuck?! Where were the god damn zombies?! I was ready for this shit. Not one fucking zombie.  The world didn't end either. What a fucking dissapointment.

         Alrighty,so here we go.  This time around I'm not going to talk about shit that pisses me off. Instead I'm going to give you my heart.  I have a lot of things on my fucking mind, some good, some not so good, but that's kind of the reason why I started this thing.  Right?  It's been over a year since my last blog post, some may think I abandoned ship, others may think I am a fucking asshole. Judging by the amount of views I get on this thing, it doesn't really matter anyway.

          Okay so what has happened in a year?  Well, first and foremost, probably most important, I'm in New Jersey, and I'm not fucking going anywhere this time. Florida was complete bullshit.  Now don't get me wrong, Florida is beautiful, but if you're not 60 or older, you're gonna have a bad time.  See what I did there?  The job market never got better for me, I was miserable because I couldn't support my family, I still can't, but that's for a different day.

          Anyway, some of you may already know this, some of you may not, my wife and I are going our separate ways.  Now you may be thinking, "Oh my god, what happened? Did you blah blah fuck you." We were together for 9 years, started dating in high school, had some time apart, got back together, and got married.  We, like all kids, grow up, and we grew up into different people. Now those 9 years weren't bad, I learned a lot about life, relationships, being a husband, and most importantly, I learned how to be a dad.  She  will always have a special place in my heart, and will always be a best friend.  Jenn, if you read this, I thank you for those 9 years, they were the best years of my life.  I know we had our ups and downs, but I don't regret any of it.

      I have already gotten shit about this, I don't need it, nor will I respond to this. My kids are fine, and will be fine. I will still be there for them, I'm not going anywhere. I love my kids more than anything in this world, and that will never change.
       Those of you who actually know me, know that I can be a huge asshole. I'm definitely not denying that. I am aware that I have some issues mentally and physically, I am working on them to be a better person, mainly for myself, but also for those close to me.  I have issues with emotions, confrontation, being social, and just the other day, I had a full on conversation with a guy named Vladamer.  Theres a problem with that, I don't FUCKING KNOW a Vladamer.  I was also alone, in my fucking mom van, driving to work at 2am. So yea, I have shit to work on.
       Recently I have been seeing something. Someone maybe, I don't know. He's an average height man, wearing a dark suit, and I can't see his face. Yes, a fucking "ghost".  I have only told this to a select few, none of them are professional psychics or anything, so I really have no fucking clue what it could be. Some one said maybe it's my father. Maybe he died and he's trying to contact me? Maybe, I don't know what the fucking guy looks like. Part of me wishes he was dead, part of me wants to find out who he really is.  All I know is, it freaks me the fuck out.

         With all these issues I have going on in my life, I can say I am happy.  I'm weeding out the bullshit and negativity from my life.  If you have a problem with that, then go fuck yourself.  I really don't need you, don't fucking tell me you'll be there for me, and then when I need you, you disappear. I don't need that shit anymore. I have my few friends who have been there when I needed them the most, and have stuck with me through all of my shit.  I honestly can't thank the few of you enough.  Andrew and Nathan, you guys are family to me, I love you, and I wouldn't be the guy I am right now, writing this shit, if it wasn't for you 2.  Now that doesn't mean I don't care about the friends I've had since high school. You guys are great too, but these 2 have helped me get through this tough time. I also have a new person in my life, Amber.  I hated you when I worked in Staten Island, now, I feel like I've known you forever.  You have helped keep me sane and happy all at the same time. No matter what happens between us, whether its something or just staying friends, I'm glad you're in my life.

          So now with all of this said, I'm not going to commit to an every week deal like I used to. You'll get it when I'm ready to write again. Hopefully it will be sooner than this time, but who the fuck really knows?  I've spilled my guts for you people, all 2 of you. I hope I didn't offend anyone, or piss anyone off, I'm just trying to clear my head and move on with my life.  I want to keep this going as best as I possibly can, but like I said, no fucking commitments.  This is a new year, and I swear to god, a new fucking Phil.  I will eventually clear my head of all this and be a better human being for those closest to me, I promise you that.
    In closing, I just want to say, let the past be the past.  We can't go back and change what we may have or have not done, the only thing we can do is learn from it, and grow into a better person from it.  I'm looking for a fresh start on life, and I know soon enough I will find what I'm looking for.  Until then I promise to be a better human being for those of you who need me the most.  So there you go, take it or leave it. I am who I am, I can only change so much. Thanks for watching.

Titty Sprinkles


1 comment:

  1. So, you got a lot going on. hope 2013 is better and lucky for ya.
    If you need another ear, I'm here for ya. I don't Judge.