Sunday, July 14, 2013

I'm a loner Dottie, a rebel.

      Hello there. Its been about 6 months since I last posted, nothing exciting has happened. Believe it or not, I still live a boring life.  Why is it boring you ask? Well let's see. I go to work, I go home, and I sit there. I do see the kids a few times per week, which makes things exciting and interesting, but over all, I could be doing better.

    Lately I started this new thing, where I pretend everything is cool, but really I'm a wreck. It's awesome. I ignore people, I sit home even though I'd rather be out.  I can't even make my self make small talk with someone at a store. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hate being alone, but I don't want to do anything. I try to get out of my house once in a while, but even then I have to argue with someone who wants to go to the bar or whatever because I just don't feel like it.  Whats the point? To spend money on beers? I can do that for cheaper at home. See? That's how I think. Yea, I may have a good time at the bar, but knowing me I won't because I'll be the awkward guy sipping a beer staring at people and playing with my Iphone.
    It seems like I've lost motivation to carry on doing the things that make me happy.  I cut off people who I loved talking to, for no reason what so ever.  I haven't ridden my bike in almost a month. I love riding my bike, but I just can't seem to push myself to go. Yea the fucking summer heat plays a part in it, but fuck I lived in Florida, and I've ridden in the Florida summer, and that didn't fucking bother me. I spent the time fixing my bike, cleaning it, making her ride better, and all she does it sit in the garage. Maybe I'm bored of my usual place? Probably, but by the time I get off of work, its too late to drive anywhere else. Allaire is the closest.

    I think I'm just bored. I need something new and positive. Maybe a new person? A girl preferably. Someone who can take me for me. To motivate me. To argue with(in a fun way).  That sounds nice and all, but if I can't break this fucking social awkwardness, that'll never fucking happen.  I don't undersand. I sound like a high school freshman. It's not just girls either. At a store, if the cashier is a girl, or a dude, its like here's my shit, ring it up, I pay you, fuck off, I'm out. I can't make a conversation in the simplest of settings. Unless, I'm with my kids, but that's cheating.

    So by this time tomorrow, I should officially be divorced.  Still lost. No idea where I'm going with my life, and fucking miserable. I can say though, out of all this, I haven't and won't turn to drugs.  They can't help me either.

    I don't have any advice or any good closing. No inspiration coming from me this time. No words of wisdom.  All I can say is that even with all of this going on, I still try to keep my head up, maybe there is a light at the end of this. I'll pull out of this funk, I just need something new and life changing rather than the daily bullshit boring grind that I'm used to. So who ever that is, where ever you are, what ever it may be, I am fucking waiting! What the fuck is taking so damn long?!

Titty Sprinkles


Sunday, January 6, 2013

Its a snake eat snake world

         Twice in 1 week?! That's right kids here goes another one. Lets get back onto the topic of why I originally started this fucking blog.  Shit that pisses Phil off.  You want to know what pisses me off? Old fucking miserable people. Fuck you. Sit there in your god damn sweat pants and watch tv.
       Where did this come from you ask?  Well lets back track.  Earlier today we were eating "dinner", at 1:00 in the afternoon!!!! Italians, you know how it is. So I said," I'm gonna bring my snake here, since you won't let me bring my dog."  "Another snake," he said. Yes asshole. My brother Matt, has my albino king snake.  Now you would never know it was there. Why? BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING SNAKE! It doesn't move, it doesn't run around the house making a mess, it just sits there, in a tank, and does nothing. You know what's funny? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT PYTHONS DO!
       So here I am, lugging this 55 gallon tank and stand into my room.  Yes, I currently live with grandparents, not by choice, I just had no where else to go.  If you read my last blog, you'd understand.  He starts.  What do you need this for? Uhh for the fucking tank to sit on. What tank?! The one for my snake. I didn't say you could bring another snake here! (He said it was ok)
        So we start arguing back and forth. I say I'll find someone to take the snake, which I won't, just shuts him up for a little while.  Now hes sitting down, pouting, watching TV.  Now don't get me wrong, it's his house, his rules, blah blah blah.  I get it.  The problem is, what is the fucking big deal? Its a snake! I could see if it was a dog, or a cat, or anything. It sits in a tank, doesn't use any of his precious electricity, and he'll never know it was there.
        Now I'm hoping that I can get out of here soon enough, but that evil green paper says otherwise.  I've had friends offer to stay at their place, which is great. I appreciate it, both of you. One problem, one of you live in a small apartment and have a kid on the way. The other has twins and is kind of far from my place of work. You don't need some 26 year old child staying at your place, you both have your own lives to live.

        So what else is going on?  Lets see, I'm doing okay for the most part.  Moving on, like I said last time. Slowly, but surely.  Eventually, things will get back to normal, or as normal as things can be I guess.  I am trying to surround myself with people that help keep my life positive.  This place I live in isn't helping, but part of it is my own damn fault.  I have to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes.

    Well, that's about all I have this time. Since I usually give some kind of shitty advice at the end of these, here you go.  Be careful what you say.  Before you go talking shit about someone, actually know the facts. Don't just fucking assume something and then start shit and make the person you're talking about look like an asshole for no reason.  People need to shut the fuck up.  No one goes to work to make friends, they go to work to make a living, and support themselves and their families, not be thrown around emotionally because little fucking high school like adults feel the need to talk about a person to better themselves.  Fuck you. Grow the fuck up, and move the fuck on with your pathetic miserable life.
    That's all, thanks for watching.

   Titty sprinkles


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The dude abides man

           Well, well, well. It's been way to fucking long since I wrote anything.  So where do I begin?  Well first and foremost, what the fuck?! Where were the god damn zombies?! I was ready for this shit. Not one fucking zombie.  The world didn't end either. What a fucking dissapointment.

         Alrighty,so here we go.  This time around I'm not going to talk about shit that pisses me off. Instead I'm going to give you my heart.  I have a lot of things on my fucking mind, some good, some not so good, but that's kind of the reason why I started this thing.  Right?  It's been over a year since my last blog post, some may think I abandoned ship, others may think I am a fucking asshole. Judging by the amount of views I get on this thing, it doesn't really matter anyway.

          Okay so what has happened in a year?  Well, first and foremost, probably most important, I'm in New Jersey, and I'm not fucking going anywhere this time. Florida was complete bullshit.  Now don't get me wrong, Florida is beautiful, but if you're not 60 or older, you're gonna have a bad time.  See what I did there?  The job market never got better for me, I was miserable because I couldn't support my family, I still can't, but that's for a different day.

          Anyway, some of you may already know this, some of you may not, my wife and I are going our separate ways.  Now you may be thinking, "Oh my god, what happened? Did you blah blah fuck you." We were together for 9 years, started dating in high school, had some time apart, got back together, and got married.  We, like all kids, grow up, and we grew up into different people. Now those 9 years weren't bad, I learned a lot about life, relationships, being a husband, and most importantly, I learned how to be a dad.  She  will always have a special place in my heart, and will always be a best friend.  Jenn, if you read this, I thank you for those 9 years, they were the best years of my life.  I know we had our ups and downs, but I don't regret any of it.

      I have already gotten shit about this, I don't need it, nor will I respond to this. My kids are fine, and will be fine. I will still be there for them, I'm not going anywhere. I love my kids more than anything in this world, and that will never change.
       Those of you who actually know me, know that I can be a huge asshole. I'm definitely not denying that. I am aware that I have some issues mentally and physically, I am working on them to be a better person, mainly for myself, but also for those close to me.  I have issues with emotions, confrontation, being social, and just the other day, I had a full on conversation with a guy named Vladamer.  Theres a problem with that, I don't FUCKING KNOW a Vladamer.  I was also alone, in my fucking mom van, driving to work at 2am. So yea, I have shit to work on.
       Recently I have been seeing something. Someone maybe, I don't know. He's an average height man, wearing a dark suit, and I can't see his face. Yes, a fucking "ghost".  I have only told this to a select few, none of them are professional psychics or anything, so I really have no fucking clue what it could be. Some one said maybe it's my father. Maybe he died and he's trying to contact me? Maybe, I don't know what the fucking guy looks like. Part of me wishes he was dead, part of me wants to find out who he really is.  All I know is, it freaks me the fuck out.

         With all these issues I have going on in my life, I can say I am happy.  I'm weeding out the bullshit and negativity from my life.  If you have a problem with that, then go fuck yourself.  I really don't need you, don't fucking tell me you'll be there for me, and then when I need you, you disappear. I don't need that shit anymore. I have my few friends who have been there when I needed them the most, and have stuck with me through all of my shit.  I honestly can't thank the few of you enough.  Andrew and Nathan, you guys are family to me, I love you, and I wouldn't be the guy I am right now, writing this shit, if it wasn't for you 2.  Now that doesn't mean I don't care about the friends I've had since high school. You guys are great too, but these 2 have helped me get through this tough time. I also have a new person in my life, Amber.  I hated you when I worked in Staten Island, now, I feel like I've known you forever.  You have helped keep me sane and happy all at the same time. No matter what happens between us, whether its something or just staying friends, I'm glad you're in my life.

          So now with all of this said, I'm not going to commit to an every week deal like I used to. You'll get it when I'm ready to write again. Hopefully it will be sooner than this time, but who the fuck really knows?  I've spilled my guts for you people, all 2 of you. I hope I didn't offend anyone, or piss anyone off, I'm just trying to clear my head and move on with my life.  I want to keep this going as best as I possibly can, but like I said, no fucking commitments.  This is a new year, and I swear to god, a new fucking Phil.  I will eventually clear my head of all this and be a better human being for those closest to me, I promise you that.
    In closing, I just want to say, let the past be the past.  We can't go back and change what we may have or have not done, the only thing we can do is learn from it, and grow into a better person from it.  I'm looking for a fresh start on life, and I know soon enough I will find what I'm looking for.  Until then I promise to be a better human being for those of you who need me the most.  So there you go, take it or leave it. I am who I am, I can only change so much. Thanks for watching.

Titty Sprinkles


Thursday, October 27, 2011

2012 Zombie Apocalypse.

      Since it's been a while since my last actual blog post, I figured it's time for an update. Not a whole lot has happened, but there is other subjects I'd like to talk about. Mainly my interests and concerns.
      Its October, Halloween time, my favorite "holiday" of the year.  People dress up like idiots and try to either scare people, or humiliate themselves. Either is fine.  Halloween is the one day out of the year you can pretend to be something you're not, and get away with it.  I'm kind of excited to see what Florida brings, in terms of people, and different costumes.
    My daughter,  doesn't have a costume yet, but I will be getting her one tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly what she is going to be, but we'll see what Target has to offer.  She has been getting bigger and bigger every single day. She can pretty much have a conversation with you, only some times you're not exactly sure what the hell she's talking about.  Never the less, she's one of the reasons I wake up in the morning.
     My son is amazing me.  He started crawling, so now we're doomed again. Time for trying to barricade everything in the house he can get into.  That kid is fucking quick too, he'll be in front of you one second, and then you look at the TV for a minute and hes gone.  He is going to be a baseball player for Halloween.
   Now it's time for what I really wanted to talk about, THE FUCKING ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I feel that this shit is going to happen. Probably in 2012 when the Myans stopped counting.  Will yo u be ready? I sure as shit will be.  I have a plan in place, and I am starting to collect various weapons. Mainly for that purpose, but they could help in other situations as well. Luckily for me, the great state of Florida makes it pretty easy for people to purchase firearms. 
     Now in most situations, a gun would not be the best choice to get the job done.  Say you're traveling from one hide out to a new one because you've used all of your resources, and you see a single "walker". Instead of popping it in between the eyes with your Glock, you take his head of with your machete. Why? Well what if his buddies are just around the corner? They'll hear the shot and come running your way. So be smart, don't just use a gun, and if you do, be smart about it.  Guns need ammo, and in a zombie apocalypse situation, you may not be able to find more bullets. A machete, may get dull over time, but more chances than none, you'll be able to sharpen it some how.
       Think about you're "hideout". Are you going to stay at home? Are you going to go to a big box store like Sports Authority, or Dicks? Both are okay hideouts, but think about this, how safe are you at home? Yea you could board up the windows and doors, but eventually you would run out of supplies(food,bullets,water,etc.).  Now a sporting goods store may sound like a good idea, usually one entrance, which can be locked down pretty good, most stores have gates behind the glass, but what are you going to eat? Candy bars? Energy Bars? You wont survive very long on that.  Think about a better strategy. I feel that going to a Wal Mart or a grocery store would be better. At Wal Mart, especially in the south, you can buy guns, so that's a plus.  Most if not all Wal Marts now adays have a grocery store, so you can load up on food and water. They also have clothing, and various other supplies you may need.  Now I don't think that a Wal Mart would be a long term stay, just like in Dawn of the Dead, at the mall, it was only temporary.
       So now that you have your first hideout in place, your weapon cache and food supplies are stocked, you need to leave.  Where do you go? What's going to get you there?  Another plus to Wal Mart. Most have a tired and lube center.  I'm all for reinforcing a fucking bus, or truck of some sort to get you where you need to go.  Wal Mart should have all the tools and supplies you would need to build a reinforced vehicle.
       That's my plan, hopefully it will work out and I will be a survivor, along with my wife and kids.  I am also hoping that these zombies aren't "speed zombies" like in 28 Days Later.  If they are, then I don't think anyone has a chance.  When I think of a 'zombie', I think of a slow moving, dumb ass, decaying looking, asshole that couldn't out run a fat lady on a hoveround.  Some theories say, they will start out fast and smarter, and as the decaying process goes on, they will slowly just fall apart. That seems like a better option.  Think Shaun of the Dead. Those zombies were slow and pretty stupid.
     What I'm saying is, be smart, have a plan,  protect you and yours. If you think I'm crazy for thinking about this, then go fuck yourself, I'll make sure I cut your fucking  head off when I see you creeping around.  Remember 2012, be fucking prepared.  Get yourself weapons and protective gear. Start a stockpile of canned goods and such so you can keep yourself alive until you decide to move out.  Go out and pick up The Zombie Survival Guide, read it, know it.  
   Well folks, that's all I have to talk about this time.  If you were looking for shit about me and my life, to fucking bad.  I needed to talk about this, because lately, I feel that people have stopped thinking about it. You can have a plan, or talk shit about having a plan, but it's time to start preparing yourself.

They're coming.

Good day,



Sunday, October 2, 2011

Review:The Devil Wears Prada-Dead Throne

      What can I say the guys from Ohio have done it again. I have every album these guys have ever put out, and with the exception of The Zombie E.P., I was ready to give up on them. Not because I thought they were bad, but because I was getting bored with the genre.  Then this monster Dead Throne came out in September. This album is fucking intense. It's not that usual poppy "grindcore" shit, this is a brutal masterpiece. If you don't believe me, check out the song Born to Lose.  Mike's(lead singer)voice has definitely matured for the better.  His screams are deeper and sound more intimate, making you feel his every emotion.
      It's more than just a good voice that makes a band a band.  The breakdowns make you want to punch yourself in the face (in a good way), and the riffs melt the skin off your face. Chris and Jeremy really outdid themselves with this album. In thier first full length, Dear Love: A Beautiful Discord, the guitars seemed a little lazy. A lot of breakdowns(which are awesome) but not a lot of the technical riffs. This album has both, which is the reason why I fell in love with this genre in the first place.
       The bass and drum combo of Andy and Danny really make this album for me.  Heavy hitting double bass, with sick ass fills, while Andy is destroying it on bass.You'll find yourself head banging with every track.  I can't even tell you what song I dont like on this album, because there isnt one.  
    With James on keys you really can't go wrong. I haven't heard anything he has done that I have been disapointed with. From the first song I head. Dogs can grow beards all over, to Forever Decay  he has been killing it on the keyboard.  Everything he has done has almost made each song 10 times better.
      The Devil Wears Prada has definitely matured since their debut full length, Dear Love: A Beautiful Discord. Apart from just their funny song titles, which are now more serious, the sound is so much better than when I found them on Myspace back in 2006. I thought they were insane then. This is theshit that made me fall in love with the genre, from bands like Norma Jean,NORA, and Hopesfall who now fell to the post hardcore devil, these guys bring it back with a vengeance and fucking destroy it. This is an album that I will be listening to for a long time. I can't wait for the next one.  If you feel like listening to something other than Nickelback, and want some beautifully crafted and organized chaos that will blow you're fucking mind, then go pick this album up. Follow the band on twitter @tdwpband, and also on their website

The Devil Wears Prada-Born To Lose (video)


Monday, September 5, 2011

Don't bite you're friends

   So apparently a week to me means a month. Whatever.  Still nothing exciting going on in my life. Well thats a lie, but its personal and I dont feel like you people need to hear about it.

      So the job has gotten a little better. I haven't made any "friends", but Ive actually been able to hold a conversation with a few people.  There's just 2 people there that seem to really really dislike me.  Oh well.  I mean it hurts my feelings a little, but I'm a big boy, I'll get over it.  The people I deal with seem to have more intelligence than the people in Jersey, go figure.  "So you're saying a vegetarian diet is no good for my dog? Why not?" SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

   I finally got out riding (mountain biking).  Had a ton of fun, but fuck this heat got to me.  It didn't help that I left my fucking water bottle at home.  Thank god zippy had his camelbak, otherwise I'd probably be dead lying under the i95 overpass.  It was a pretty easy trail not to technical, but what amazes me is that now that I'm older, I have apparently turned into a huge vagina.  Stupid things that I would have done when I was bmxing as a kid, I wouldn't dare to try now. Could it be because I'm a dad? Or that I haven't really ridden a bike in almost 7 years? Who knows. The only thing I can tell you is that my fuckin gooch is killing me.

     My daughter is getting smarter and smarter every single day. She's been saying all kinds of words now, almost complete sentences.  She can count(sort of). I feel that I can hold a better conversation with her than I can with some random person at work.  I hope she slows down though, otherwise daddy won't be able to help her with her homework.

     My son is getting bigger by the minute.  This kid amazes me so much. Hes such a good looking little kid and learning so much so fast.  He can turn himself all the way over now, hes grabbing for things, and last night he tried to sit up on his own. Watch out everyone, my kids are going to rule the world.

   So needless to say, I'm happy and miserable at the same time. I love my family, hate my job, and wish I could get out and ride more often.  I don't make enough money to satisfy anyone, and I spend most of my time that I'm not working, watching Yo Gabba Gabba, or Wow Wow Wubbzy with my daughter. I can't complain though. Well I can, but I won't.

         I'm still chasing  my dream, whatever that may be. Someday soon I'll be successful and completely happy, but until that day comes, and probably after that, Ill keep trying to write this thing and keep the few (2, one of them is my wife) subscribers updated on my  boring uneventful REAL life. So long see you next time. Thanks for watching.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Chatper 2: ...

I know i said every week, but, fuck you.  Sometimes I just can't push out what I want to say.

        Its been about a month since my 1st post and let me tell you, a lot has happened.  I moved to Florida, we drove. If you ever have the chance to do it, DON'T!  It was the worst drive I've ever taken, it rained from Virginia to Georgia, and I had to drive my piece of shit dodge neon(which has no a/c mind you).  So needless to say my left arm looked like someone spray painted it red. 

       Remember that "job" I told you about in the first chapter? Yea, well I transferred to a store here in Florida, and let me tell you, it fucking blows more than the store in Jersey. I am no longer a manager im what you say a register bitch.I stand in one spot all fucking day thinking of ways to kill myself because I'm so god damn bored.  Everyone seems to avoid talking to me because I'm the "new guy" and apparently I don't look very personable.  Fuck that.

     Im hoping to find a new career, something to do with music. Maybe journalism, although I seem to have a hard time writing a fucking blog, how the hell am I going to write a column or whatever about an artist or show?  Everything takes time.

    So, as I sit here in my back yard writing this shitty blog, I have so much shit on my mind, but can't seem to put it to words.  My kids are dead asleep, my dogs are running around chasing who knows what, and all I can seem to do is listen to oddfuture tunes. The job search has come to a halt since it's the weekend and all, but I wont give up.  I didn't come to Florida to do the same shit I was doing in Jersey.  My beautiful wife seems to have a plan, now I need one. To bad I'm a lazy piece of shit.

   If it seems like I'm all over the place, its because I am.  Like I said before, I have so much shit on my mind.  What I'm trying to do with this blog is jot down my life week to week. The only problem is, besides the move, nothing exciting has happened.  I can only tell you that every day, my daughter amazes me more and more.  Shes talking now, not full sentences, but she knows a lot of words. My son is growing up so fast, he'll be sitting up on his own soon. Its amazing how fast things go by.

    So as I end this week. I want to say fuck you New Jersey. I love you, but I hate you at the same time. I hope down the road good things happen. I can't sit and wait, I have to work for what I want. Remember that. You can't just wait for an opportunity, you have to fight for it.  Hopefully with in the next few years you'll be reading my articles in Atl. Press or something like that.  So long, see you next week, maybe.